One of the last photos I have of the lovely Ni's, on our trip to Melacca in Malaysia with our dear friends here - sorry Kirsty you didn't get in the photo. Remember I was trying the new camera stand Lol lent me.Well today was a different one for me as I had my first counselling session since the lovely girl left us. Quite amazing actually as my Ni was always talking about counselling, but me with my stiff upper lip always rejected it. Well she finally got me there today.
I had 50 minutes of what the f*ck am I doing here to then the last 20 minutes of amazing release, the best since losing Ni's. Truly amazing as since Nina left I have spoken to so so many people that all knew her and loved her so well - and of course you talk about their experience and their love and their sadness and you sort of just update on the status of you and the kids - almost numb to pain as you probably have said the same thing many times that day. Firstly let me apologise to all that read this.
But the counsellor after 50 minutes asked me 2 or 3 really basic questions - "so tell me when you met Nina?", "what did you love about her?", "what was she like?" - I have not even thought, or spoken of these things since she died, because all conversations are with our friends and family that know us so so well. I cried my eyes out and felt such pain and pressure release to remember her for why I did love her so much, something that will never disappear. My next session is with special photos of her.
