Mummy kept a diary for both of the kids and I wanted to put some of those words down here to keep. So Ollie this is for you from Mummy, and shows how much she loved and thought of you.

But before I type that I also found some sheets of paper from Ollie. I think someone had been a little naughty and had been shut in his room to calm down and behave. It made me smile and I hope it does you too. Each was written on a separate piece of paper, and I've used his spellings - obviously there was two way dialogue going here between Ollie and Ni;

"My heart is still low. Give me love from Oliver xxxx"

"Why can't I get out?"

"Dear Mum I'm very sorry for early. Plese open the door. My heart is low from Oliver xxxx"

"I will promise not to talk about games."

"I will be good - very good."

"I love you. My heart is riseing."

"I understand."

24th June 2004 Thursday

Nursery today, been too long since last time so you cried when I try to leave. Only cried a few minutes after I was gone. You have found a friend called Adam. You spent mist of the day with him. Still refusing to eat, but you sleep well. Jackie strokes your head and you just fall asleep apparently. Stayed 0940 50 1545.

I asked you what you did at nursery today, you said; "Wiggly party, Adam, Jackie, ~ door????, Adam, Mama back, music, house, Adam and Wiggles!"

When I go to collect you, you come running to me with a huge smile. "Mama helllloooooo!". It's the best face. Love you darling.

2nd July 2004

Nursery again, you had a very good day - played with your friends. Still refusing to eat proper food though (this has been going on for 1.5 years now!) You seem so happy to see me when I come to collect you, your perfect smile, I love it.

In to plasters. Toy Story plaster. You have 3 on your hands at the moment. You are now asking me to put another one on. I just said no to you - you've put the plater in the video player!!!!!!! Nooooo! Damee! Off to meet Daddy at Spargo's (Bridge ROad) for dinner. Lovely sunny day/evening!! All in better mood today. Dinner at Spargos, you had the whole garlic pizza to yourself.

28th July 2004

We are having a Xmas party (in July) this weekend. Your favourite Uncle Timmy and Auntie Emma are coming from Sydney. we have a tree now, I've ordered a 4kg turkey for the day. You have seen a toy guitar in a shop, you really wanted it but I said no. Guess what will be sitting under the tree in a few days time???? 

Thought of your uncle Yui who died before you were born and I cried today. You came to me, wiped my tears off my face and told me "it's all right, it's all right". When did you learn to be soooo giving and thoughtful? I'm a very happy/proud mum!

Daddy in Sydney on business. You sent him an e-card from BBC Homepage today. He was very pleased! You will see him tomorrow when you wake up.

Bed time 830pm. Book 'Yummy'. Your favourite Blue's Clues for the 100th time. Good day at Gymbaroo. Stayed in pm as it was raining. Love you darling x Thanks for cheering me up earlier on.

16th May 2005

Goodness me, how long has it been since last entry. Since Nov last year we have had Xmas, visit from your Nanny and Uncle Darrren and a visit from Jemma/Nicola/Rich. Christmas was lovely - Daddy bought you an expensive drum kit that you played with for 5 seconds, but played with the $3 car toy I bought from K-Mart for hours.

We spent Christmas at Rich and Mary's, it was a strange experience being hot/sunny. Your Dad took you swimming on Christmas Day.

January we had your Nan and Uncle visiting for 3 weeks - what a blast we had. nan and Uncle Darren arrived with huge presents for you. You absolutely love your Uncle - you played with him lots. Also went to Port Douglas with them, you learnt the joy of water there - you were in the swimming pool every day and loved it. You'd jump from the edge in to the arms of Daddy. SPLASH! Went completely under the water for a few seconds but didn't mind that at all. You would mimic swimming (we were holding you under the water) and called it 'Nemo'.

Jemma came for 3 weeks in March. You had lots of time playing with Jemma. We went for a trip to the Great Ocean Road, Puffing Billy and Ballarat together. It was so nice you spent so much time with her.

Sometime in April I cooked you pasta bolognese but you refused to eat - as usual. Daddy, who happened to be there got very angry and locked you in bedroom. You cried/screamed for a few minutes then came out sobbing, sat back down at the table and started to eat. It was a breakthrough. Since that day you have learnt to try food, even if it seems yucky. Nursery staff encouraged you too. And amazingly you eat so many varieties if food now. Yesterday I cooked vegetable soup mixed with rice - you ate that. Well done darling, I've been getting so worried re your eating. Thank God for Daddy, he gave you that little push you needed. Now you will grow big and strong. You are OK now !!!!!!

I've started working 9th May 05. Back to pharmaceuticals. I feel so good having my identity, doing something  meaningful. I know you'd rather see your mother doing something with her life. to be able to say 'this is my mum', 'this is what she does'. 4 days a week at nursery now. You enjoy your day there and we have lots of cuddles in the evenings. I think our quality of life is better now. I enjoy having a job and it makes it extra special when I see you. 

I love you to bits. Just went in to  your room to check you're OK. So adorable. Give me that kiss when you wake up, OK? Lot's of love, Mummy xxx