Look Mum I'm On Year old tomorrow!!!!!

Hey mummy  look at me, I am one year old tomorrow. Can you see me walking in the rain with just my nappy. All alone as well. We all went as a family to Sentosa to one of our favourites, remember Coastes. We were very lucky as we had Mario and Lucca visiting us as well, so we all went as one big family and Mary came to join us a little later in the afternoon. Mary got a little lost via a hot dog stand.  (For those that don't know Mary is the live in helper that joined us a couple of months ago). She is fantastic with the children and I just wish I had done this before when Ni was still here to help with things.

So Amy is 1 year tomorrow. We are over joyed to experience this but also so very sad not to have Ni here to celebrate the day too. Still a crime that that is not to be able to happen. We miss her terribly as a family, especially at the occasions like Amy's birthday. 

So Amy my darling - we'll have a fantastic day for your first and a great party with your friends on Saturday at Go Go Bambinis. I think you'll going to really enjoy that honey. We're all so so proud of you - especially walking before you were 1. You were so funny in the rain at Sentosa (yes Ni, I thought I had taken video footage, but it's a new camera and I hadn't got it set right - typical me huh!

I'll post some of her actual birthday in next few days - cure little thing that she is.

For Baby Amy

Amy, Like Ollie your Mum kept a short diary for a while before you were born and right after. So I'd like to share those thoughts with you now sweetie.

My baby Amy.

I was so happy when I found out you are a girl. It makes me smile, even just thinking about the day of the scan.

Even before the scan I had a strong feeling you are a girl. You 'spoke' to me and told me you are Amy. It's true the name just popped out in my head. Then we found out Amy was the name of your great great grandmother. It is also written 'British Beauty', how perfect!

Pregnancy with you was fine, apart from my atrial fib. I was on a pill called Flaccainide until 6 weeks and I was so worried so much it caused you harm. But again you 'spoke' to me and told me you were alright.

We moved to SIngapore at 20 weeks. Singapore was hot and humid, I have to have the aircon on all day and night.

At 28 weeks I woke up with dull ache and ended up in hospital with suspected premature labour. Had ventolin to stop contraction, that gave me atrial fib. Such a shame as it had gone away until then. But the main thing is that the contractions did stop and you were OK. You needed to stay in there a bit longer darling. I remember that was during Chinese New Year of 2008.

At 35 weeks woke up again with dull ache. This time classed as pre labour, or false labour as the contractions were very strong and regular and you were big enough to come out. Admitted to hospital again.

This time we all expected you to actually come out. I was even moved to delivery room and signed informed consent form etc. Then suddenly the contractions stopped. After nearly 12 hours of contractions, you did a u-turn and decided not to come. Was not sure if I felt relieved or disappointed. I so wanted to see you but knew you could do with another few weeks inside.

After this incident contractions were coming often enough to keep me awake every night, yet it never developed to proper labour. In the end Doc decided to induce me at 38 weeks as I was getting so exhausted with lack of sleep. The days was set to 28th April!

Inside my womb you were delicate. You moved a lot but so gently and delicately. Really felt like a girl. I often feel your heel sticking out on my right side of belly. Such a cute little, thin heel. Lot's of hiccups = just like your brother.

You were most active late at night and very quiet in the mornings. I spoke to you a lot. I was so happy carrying you, for the entire pregnancy.

Cravings = ice cream. All dairy products. Completely off sea food. Loved sweet things, not so much salty stuff. I wonder what you are like as an adult?

28th April was a Monday. Calmly made my way to the hospital. It was 3rd time there so I knew the place very well by then. Oliver stayed with his fried Ethan after school and Daddy joined me a few hours later.

Drip started around lunch time. Epidural right before then. I pushed you out after 3 contractions at 17:19. You were so pretty from the start. That's the first thing I said: "Brian oh God she's so pretty!"

So you were finally out. Finally in my arms. Love you love you. Thanks for coming to me. Thanks for picking me. You are so precious.

We brought Oliver within a few hours because we knew how excited he was. He was so happy to see you. I'm sure you've seen the pictures. He would hold you so proudly. He told everyone at school about you.

For me

In between the new posts for the kids, here is one for me. I just happened to be going through my travel document holder and came across this letter from Ni. I remember she wrote it for me when I was on a business trip and slipped it in to my passport so I read it when on the plane. Exactly ho we felt about each other.

My darling,

We will be thinking of you - every minute of the day.

We will of course miss you, but think of the time we are going to have when you return - your mum, Darren will be here and we are off to Queensland.

Good luck with work.

Always remember me and Oliver are right here, waiting for you.

Love you so much.

You are my life.

Come home safely.

Nina xxx

Mummy kept a diary for both of the kids and I wanted to put some of those words down here to keep. So Ollie this is for you from Mummy, and shows how much she loved and thought of you.

But before I type that I also found some sheets of paper from Ollie. I think someone had been a little naughty and had been shut in his room to calm down and behave. It made me smile and I hope it does you too. Each was written on a separate piece of paper, and I've used his spellings - obviously there was two way dialogue going here between Ollie and Ni;

"My heart is still low. Give me love from Oliver xxxx"

"Why can't I get out?"

"Dear Mum I'm very sorry for early. Plese open the door. My heart is low from Oliver xxxx"

"I will promise not to talk about games."

"I will be good - very good."

"I love you. My heart is riseing."

"I understand."

24th June 2004 Thursday

Nursery today, been too long since last time so you cried when I try to leave. Only cried a few minutes after I was gone. You have found a friend called Adam. You spent mist of the day with him. Still refusing to eat, but you sleep well. Jackie strokes your head and you just fall asleep apparently. Stayed 0940 50 1545.

I asked you what you did at nursery today, you said; "Wiggly party, Adam, Jackie, ~ door????, Adam, Mama back, music, house, Adam and Wiggles!"

When I go to collect you, you come running to me with a huge smile. "Mama helllloooooo!". It's the best face. Love you darling.

2nd July 2004

Nursery again, you had a very good day - played with your friends. Still refusing to eat proper food though (this has been going on for 1.5 years now!) You seem so happy to see me when I come to collect you, your perfect smile, I love it.

In to plasters. Toy Story plaster. You have 3 on your hands at the moment. You are now asking me to put another one on. I just said no to you - you've put the plater in the video player!!!!!!! Nooooo! Damee! Off to meet Daddy at Spargo's (Bridge ROad) for dinner. Lovely sunny day/evening!! All in better mood today. Dinner at Spargos, you had the whole garlic pizza to yourself.

28th July 2004

We are having a Xmas party (in July) this weekend. Your favourite Uncle Timmy and Auntie Emma are coming from Sydney. we have a tree now, I've ordered a 4kg turkey for the day. You have seen a toy guitar in a shop, you really wanted it but I said no. Guess what will be sitting under the tree in a few days time???? 

Thought of your uncle Yui who died before you were born and I cried today. You came to me, wiped my tears off my face and told me "it's all right, it's all right". When did you learn to be soooo giving and thoughtful? I'm a very happy/proud mum!

Daddy in Sydney on business. You sent him an e-card from BBC Homepage today. He was very pleased! You will see him tomorrow when you wake up.

Bed time 830pm. Book 'Yummy'. Your favourite Blue's Clues for the 100th time. Good day at Gymbaroo. Stayed in pm as it was raining. Love you darling x Thanks for cheering me up earlier on.

16th May 2005

Goodness me, how long has it been since last entry. Since Nov last year we have had Xmas, visit from your Nanny and Uncle Darrren and a visit from Jemma/Nicola/Rich. Christmas was lovely - Daddy bought you an expensive drum kit that you played with for 5 seconds, but played with the $3 car toy I bought from K-Mart for hours.

We spent Christmas at Rich and Mary's, it was a strange experience being hot/sunny. Your Dad took you swimming on Christmas Day.

January we had your Nan and Uncle visiting for 3 weeks - what a blast we had. nan and Uncle Darren arrived with huge presents for you. You absolutely love your Uncle - you played with him lots. Also went to Port Douglas with them, you learnt the joy of water there - you were in the swimming pool every day and loved it. You'd jump from the edge in to the arms of Daddy. SPLASH! Went completely under the water for a few seconds but didn't mind that at all. You would mimic swimming (we were holding you under the water) and called it 'Nemo'.

Jemma came for 3 weeks in March. You had lots of time playing with Jemma. We went for a trip to the Great Ocean Road, Puffing Billy and Ballarat together. It was so nice you spent so much time with her.

Sometime in April I cooked you pasta bolognese but you refused to eat - as usual. Daddy, who happened to be there got very angry and locked you in bedroom. You cried/screamed for a few minutes then came out sobbing, sat back down at the table and started to eat. It was a breakthrough. Since that day you have learnt to try food, even if it seems yucky. Nursery staff encouraged you too. And amazingly you eat so many varieties if food now. Yesterday I cooked vegetable soup mixed with rice - you ate that. Well done darling, I've been getting so worried re your eating. Thank God for Daddy, he gave you that little push you needed. Now you will grow big and strong. You are OK now !!!!!!

I've started working 9th May 05. Back to pharmaceuticals. I feel so good having my identity, doing something  meaningful. I know you'd rather see your mother doing something with her life. to be able to say 'this is my mum', 'this is what she does'. 4 days a week at nursery now. You enjoy your day there and we have lots of cuddles in the evenings. I think our quality of life is better now. I enjoy having a job and it makes it extra special when I see you. 

I love you to bits. Just went in to  your room to check you're OK. So adorable. Give me that kiss when you wake up, OK? Lot's of love, Mummy xxx

Ni you would be proud! Some times our kids will say "hate you Dad", well not mine yet and you think how can they say that. Well darling I think I can guess why sometimes now. Ollie had Easter Hat parade at school (I know you're watching them still), but have a look at the video. I made this hat for him and I was very proud of myself, but now I see it "in the flesh" at the parade, I can see why kids can react in that way - ha ha. Poor thing. Unique is the word I'll use for this masterpiece, and you know how he hates dressing up so much. Sorry Ollie!

Also yesterday he bashed his head in the pool and blood everywhere like you would not believe. Thank goodness I did the 1st aid course recently as I didn't panic and dealt with it all very calmly. He and I spend 2 hours in a+e at KK, xrays later all was cleared and they glued rather than stitch which he was very happy with. They tie the hair together and glue the gash to act like stitches. So on his head he has this "patch" of tied up hair, bless. Again babe you would be very proud as he was so so brave with 3 junior Drs, the main Dr and 2x nurses all fussing over him. Bless! Don't worry he is fine.

And finally whilst on - to balance the focus, I wanted to share this photo of Amy, just adorable. And she is so close to walking on her own now babe, she's just a little scared I think of really letting go, and teeth my goodness loads coming through at once. Jo Woodward gave us some miracle cure fromUK and that helps her. She is a darling and your boy was so brave - they made me proud and I am sure you. xxxxx

 Well how proud am I of this little one. A budding musician in the making it seems. Nearly 12 months now, so we have birthday party plans for her - Go Go Bambinis with a load of her little mates. She'll love it as she is virtually walking now and loves to play in all the balls there. She's a little sick the moment though, bit of an ear infection and a head cold, but still so full of smiles and laughs so she's not too bad. So we have medicine for her now and Mary and I are keeping a close eye on her to make sure she is OK. Mummy would have been so proud of you Amy, she would love this video to see you playing a trumpet. Mummy used to play the clarinet and always wondered if you or Ollie would like to play an instrument. Well it looks to me like you have that desire in you sweetheart. Plus you look so much like Mummy, you beautiful thing. You make Ollie and me so happy. Love Daddy xx